
Between this month being declared as "Dry January" and last week's headlines on the new Surgeon General advisory—warning about the link between alcohol and cancer—that I wrote about last week: "Why Aren’t Women Being Told the Truth About Alcohol and Cancer?" there has been significant coverage about alcohol, ranging from taking a break from drinking to abstaining entirely.
As an alcoholic in recovery since May 2020, I don’t drink, so every month is a "Dry Month". But this coverage has me reflecting on a question I often get asked: “Why did you drink?” It’s also a question I had to answer with total honesty—to myself—in order not to pick up alcohol again.
If you're questioning your drinking, it’s a good question to ask, but it's not an easy one to answer.
Let's start with something easier: Do you ever find yourself reaching for a glass of wine after a long day, telling yourself it’s just to “take the edge off”?
Maybe it’s not even something you think about anymore—it’s just automatic.
But what if that momentary escape is tied to something deeper?
My Road from Social Drinking to Alcoholism
My road to alcoholism wasn’t short. It was a long journey from the early years of drinking socially and for fun, to the end of the road where I was drinking alone—and it definitely wasn’t fun anymore. In college, drinking was social and fun. In my 20s, it was still fun, but it also became a way to escape my fears about becoming an adult: finding a career, getting married, buying a home, etc.
By my mid-30s, I began wondering if I was leaning a bit too much on the bottle, and a little voice inside asked, "What’s really the matter?" But at first, I dismissed it. I told myself I deserved it, that I could stop anytime I wanted. And besides, everyone else I knew in the neighborhood was drinking too!
It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom—twice—that the question became something I couldn’t ignore. I needed to know what was going on inside me. It was in rehab and when I finally entered the rooms of the 12-step recovery program that I realized my drinking wasn’t just a habit—it was a way of coping with emotional pain I hadn’t fully addressed.
Alcohol Wasn’t My Problem!
Alcohol wasn’t my problem. It was the solution to my problem.
For me, the root cause of my drinking was buried in years of unresolved trauma: childhood rejection, an angry childhood home with a narcissistic mother and emotionally distant father, therapy abuse (both psychological and sexual), and the pressure to maintain a “perfect” suburban life.
I didn’t have the coping skills or tools to process those feelings, so I turned to alcohol. Alcohol made me feel strong, safe—it was a friend and a haven. Until it wasn’t.
I’ll never forget the moment I realized that my unresolved traumas, fears, and inability to navigate adult life were the real problem. I was sitting in a rehab group session, where we were playing a "truth game." We passed a ball around the group circle, and whoever held the ball had to answer a question honestly. I sat clutching the ball as the counselor asked the question, “What triggers your drinking?”
It hit me like a sledge hammer. My triggers weren’t just the surface-level stresses of daily life—they were the deep wounds I’d been avoiding for years.
I ran from the room crying as images of my past - my traumas, my regrets, the pain that never went away - flooded out of my eyes. But that moment marked the start of my recovery and the start of healing that never ending pain inside me.
The past four and a half years have been a path of self-discovery, digging beneath my emotional barriers and triggers. I've healed from the inside out.
What Are Emotional Triggers?
Emotional triggers are situations, memories, or feelings that bring up distressing emotions. For many women, these triggers can stem from:
Trauma: Past abuse, loss, or unresolved pain. I was diagnosed with PTSD.
Loneliness: Feeling disconnected from others or yourself. Do you feel alone even with others around?
Stress: The overwhelming pressures of work, family, or societal expectations.
Understanding and resolving my trauma, finding my place in the world, connecting with others, and developing tools for coping with stress have kept me from picking up the bottle.
We often drink not because we love alcohol, but because we want to numb these feelings. Alcoholism has been called, "The disease of emotions."
How to Identify Your Triggers
Pay Attention to Patterns: Keep a journal for a week and note when you feel the urge to drink. What happened right before? Identifying your emotional state—lonely, sad, fearful, depressed, anxious—can help you uncover the connection between your feelings and your drinking habits.
Explore the Emotion: Ask yourself, “What am I trying to escape from in this moment?”
Look for Repetition: Do certain situations—arguments, loneliness, or even celebrations—always lead to drinking?
Some Useful Tools
Understanding your triggers is the first step. Here are a few tools you can use to help manage them:
Pause and Reflect: When you feel triggered, take a moment to breathe and identify what’s happening.
Replace the Habit: Swap the drink for a walk, journaling, or calling a friend.
Seek Support: Call a friend, a therapist or you can join a recovery group with people who understand. I’m forming an online community for women in recovery or beginning their sober journey—Women in the Rooms—a space to connect with others who can identify with and support each other. The group will launch by the end of spring or early summer this year.
A New Path Forward
The truth I've discovered is that alcohol was never my real problem—it was the symptom of deeper pain.
Once I started addressing the root causes of my pain, I began to heal.
You don’t have to face this journey alone. Together, we can uncover what’s really behind the drink and create a life of freedom, peace, and joy.
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If you’re looking for one-on-one support, I currently offer
transformational coaching for women in recovery.
You can download my free Recovery Guidebook which has different tools and exercises, including instructions and
journaling space for self discovery!
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