_edited.png)
Chances are you're reading this because you're feeling anxious or afraid and don't know what to do. I know exactly what I used to do when I was anxious or afraid—drink. But after four and a half years of sobriety, that's no longer an option. Thankfully, living in healthy sobriety means I don’t feel fear or anxiety the way I did for most of my life. In fact, most days are pretty good!
Still, I’m human. And while I aim to be more like Gandhi, Christ, or Buddha, I’m still Karen, and sometimes life just gets... well, lifey.
Right now, life is very lifey. My husband of 34 years, Barry, was diagnosed with melanoma this summer, and in just two months, it progressed from Stage One to Stage Three. I’ve gone from feeling calm and serene to battling sugar cravings, crying spells, and a painful case of shingles.
If you’re familiar with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief, I’ve pretty much hit every one: denial, anger, bargaining, depression (current stage), and eventually acceptance. I’m not sure when I’ll reach acceptance. It’s going to take time. I mean, how did the world’s whitest man, who hates the sun and constantly wears a baseball cap, end up with skin cancer on his scalp?! For now, I’m wading through this stage of depression, which brings along fear and a side of anxiety—the perfect storm for sleepless nights and, yes, shingles.
So, what is depression? For me, it’s looking back, mourning lost youth, and all the wonderful moments Barry and I have shared—our rescued pets, our homes, our travels. And fear? That’s looking ahead. It's nice to think about the future on occasion, when the thoughts are pleasant ones about where we want to retire or what trips we’ll take. But right now, the future feels uncertain, and I hate not knowing what’s next. That’s where my fear lies. And anxiety? That’s what kicks everything into overdrive—it’s the fuel to the fire.
Thankfully, as a recovered alcoholic, I’ve learned a lot from the 12-step program and through my journey with transformational knowledge. I have the tools and skills to navigate these feelings. And if you’re feeling anxious, depressed, or afraid, you can get through it too. Here’s how:
Stay in the moment. Each day is a gift, and this cancer is reminding me just how precious life is. The fact that we’re alive is a miracle. If you have loved ones, that’s another miracle. Don’t dwell on the past—you can’t change it, and it’ll only make you feel depressed. Don’t live in the future—you can plan and take action, but you can’t predict the outcome. Focusing too much on what’s ahead will stir up fear. Instead, look down at your feet, notice where you are right now, and do the best you can in this moment. Cherish the present, and trust that the future will unfold as it’s meant to. Plant healthy seeds today, and they’ll blossom later.
Reach out. Talk about your feelings. There are so many support groups for all kinds of situations—I recently found one for families of cancer patients called The Cancer Hope Network. If you’re struggling with alcohol or addiction, there are 12-step programs and meetings. You have friends, family, religious leaders like priests or rabbis, and traditional therapists or life coaches. Talking to others isn’t complaining; it’s sharing, and it’s caring. Your story can help others, and it helps you too.
Move a muscle, change a thought. Get outside! Grab the dog leash (and the dog!) and go for a walk, or put on some music and dance in your living room. Just move—shift your body, shift your mind.
Help someone. Do you have an elderly neighbor who could use a phone call or a trip to the store? Is there a friend overwhelmed with kids, chores, or work who might appreciate a hand? If you can’t think of anyone, check out volunteermatch.org to find opportunities to lend a hand.
Faith is the opposite of fear. The other morning, I woke up early and, for the first time in months, felt peace. I felt God’s presence and knew that, no matter what happens, everything will be okay. Will Barry’s cancer go into remission? I don’t know. But I do know that whatever happens, life will unfold the way it’s meant to. Worrying won’t change anything. The most important thing is to pray for serenity, for strength to grow through life’s obstacles, and to remember—you’re not in control. God’s got you in the palm of His hand. So, let go and let God handle what you can’t. Just focus on being the best version of yourself and doing the best you can for yourself and others. And, pray, pray, pray.
Be kind to yourself. Take a warm bath, cook some hearty soup, or curl up on the couch with a blanket and a good book. Rest when you can—refuel your body, mind, and spirit. In times of stress, this is more important than ever. By caring for each part of yourself and using the tools I’ve shared, you can fight off fear and anxiety.
We’re born with only two fears—the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Everything else? That’s just in your head. Use the skills and tools to get out of your head and back into life and serenity. If I can do it during this uncertain time, you can too.
Comments